


Castiel is tired of stupid questions

by ainebegonia



Series: Pregnant Cas [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol, Crack, Cranky Cas, Drabble, M/M, Mpreg, Overuse of the word penetrate, Pregnant Castiel, Threats to Sam's hair, unbetaed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-11
Updated: 2015-08-11
Packaged: 2018-04-14 04:00:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4549584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ainebegonia/pseuds/ainebegonia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas, Sam, and Dean discuss the results of a night Dean doesn't remember. Oh, and Cas has a Godzilla sized penis.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Castiel is tired of stupid questions

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a unbetaed drabble and my first official Destiel fic. The consent may seem dubious, but both parties were enthusiastically consenting to the act at the time, Dean simply doesn't remember it and Cas is embarrassed that Dean doesn't remember. If Mpreg or drunk sex (mentioned, not shown) upsets you, this is not the fic for you.

Sam was confused. Dean was confused. Cas was frustrated. And hungry. And nauseous. And just so done with answering the Winchester brothers' stupid question. Sam lumbered around the table pushing his hand through his hair every third step. 

Castiel glared at him. "Sit down now or I will permanently remove every single last hair from your body."

Sam nearly kicked himself in his face rushing to comply. "Sorry Cas, I just don't understand how this happened."

"Dean used his penis to penetrate.." the angel started.

Dean choked on his own saliva and coughed out, "not what he meant, Cas, not what he freaking meant."

Sam stepped in to avert a full on Dean meltdown. "It's just, you're in a male body, and Dean's a male, and even if you did have sex.."

"We did"

"Didn't"

"Just because you were drunk doesn't mean it doesn't count and I checked, 'what happens in Vegas' does NOT 'stay in Vegas,' Dean."

Sam let an long, breathy sigh slip out, "guys, just stow the argument for now, the point is," and for this he turned his most judgmental eyes to Cas, " how the hell can you be pregnant, you're a guy?!"

"Why must you ask such stupid questions? I am not 'a guy,' Samuel, I am an angel. I am pregnant because your brother got us drunk and convinced me that if we did not have sex, he would die, and he wouldn't let me penetrate him because my 'junk' was 'Godzilla sized.'"

"But you don't have a womb," Sam countered. 

"My grace made one when Dean penetrated me."

"Stop talking about penetrating!"

"It's the correct term, Dean."

"Just stop. And I didn't have sex with you!"

"You did. How else would your semen end up in my"

"No no no no no no, not listening to this"

"Dean your penis was stuck to my thigh the next morning, quit denying that you penetrated and impregnated me."

Sam watched as his brother and the angel glared at each other. While what Cas described sounded a lot like how Dean normally operated, there was something a bit off. "Wait, Cas, you've got almost full mojo, right?"

"Yes, Sam"

"Then how did Dean get you drunk? I don't think there's any way we could afford to buy you a liquor store to drink."

Cas looked down at his hands in his lap. "That is partially my fault. The bar we went to was staffed by my brethren and they may have slipped us some angelic ale." 

"What the hell, Cas, you let your dick brothers roofie me?!"

"I'm sorry Dean. I thought you could handle it." Cas looked up at Dean with moist eyes. His nausea was starting to pass, but his hunger was increasing. "Do you have any burritos?"

"You want to eat at a time like this?"

"I'm pregnant, Dean, the child requires sustenance. Would you deny your child food?"

"How is this my life?"

Sam knew he should intervene now. "Cas, we have a freezer full of burritos." Cas flitted off to the kitchen. "Dean, you're going to have to face it, whether you remember it or not, you knocked up an angel."

"Can we go back to the Apocalypse? So much simpler then."


End file.
